boom.

I found my lats! This is big news, and a huge relief. I'm at 11.78% body fat. 3 weeks 5 days to go. phew! Notice the guy in the background...he walked in while Lissa and I were practicing posing and asked if he could bike. I said, sure, come on in, take your shirt off. But he apparently is a bit more modest.

i've got flare!

The other day I was at the gym and so was Darin, my trainer. He was working out but he stopped and we worked on the relaxed pose for quite some time. Good news, I finally got my lats to flare! I'm not sure if I can replicate that movement again, but at least I've done it a couple times. It is a crazy sensation to be trying so hard to do something, and see nothing noticeable happen then all of a sudden Darin will say- oh, there it is, that's great! and then I look and try to get that muscle memory of what that feels like, shake it off and do the exact same thing, and Darin says- no, that's terrible. (in much kinder words, but the meaning is still the same). If I had to explain it you tilt your chest way up, pinch your elbows way back, breathe in big, bring your shoulders down and out, but not too far either way or its ruined. And relax your hands, and smile, and flex your abs and legs. and don't forget to breathe really shallow breathes so that you can maintain that without passing out. all while wearing a teeny tiny bikini. no pressure. and that's the RELAXED pose?!? I could teach the body builders a thing or two about relaxing. 1. put on sweatpants 2. sit in recliner 3. drink a cold beer 4. repeat step three as many times as necessary. now that's relaxing.
Every day I sit on the floor at work and recently my butt has been hurting, so much that it prompted me to drop my pants and check things out back there in the mirror. I was sure I must have a bruise or something, but instead I saw nothing noticeably wrong. My conclusion is that I have lost all of my padding and now something as simple as sitting on the floor is no longer comfortable. I also think that skinny people are not meant for Alaska's weather. I am effected by the cold much more now, than I was with fat on me. Going outside is downright painful. No wonder skinny people are cranky. On top of being hungry, their butt hurts and they're freezing to death. My dad once told me its better to be fat and happy than skinny and pissed. I think he's right.

fat test tomorrow. my last one was jan. 25 and I was 13.84% I think. 13 point something anyway. Lets see what I did this month.

4 weeks and 4 days

it's almost show time. i'm kind of excited for this whole thing to be over so I can go back to a somewhat normal life. there are definitely parts of this training that I'll continue. I will probably have oatmeal and protein shake for breakfast and a tuna sandwich for lunch every day for the rest of my life. I will continue to exercise- once a day- and probably five times a week- for the rest of my life. Will I ever do a musical, train for a body building show, and remodel a cabin at the same time? No. It's been a bit much. I emailed the lady making my suit...again... she's kinda flakey. She told me my suit was going to ship out two times already and now apparently its going out tomorrow. I'm not holding my breath. But I am crossing my fingers.
I've been taken off of any fake sweeteners (splenda, sweet n low...) officially as of Saturday, but I started on Tuesday to see how it was going to go. Life is good without the fake stuff. Apparently it causes some water retention/bloating so that is the whole reason for letting my body be clean four weeks prior to show date. But I did enjoy the tast of it. However, I probably took it to the extreme (as usual for me) when I was using probably 20 packs a day. Those little buggers add up with a few in my oatmeal, and a couple in every cup of coffee/tea throughout the day. But I'm almost fake sugar free for a week and feeling great. I even had to give up crystal light. But really if I'm only eating 1200 calories a day, its a big deal to use 80 of them on crystal light. It is challenging to drink just straight water. But i'm up for a good challenge.

fat test on Friday. can'twaitcan'twait.

schmelting

peanut butter snickers

every morning I watch the tv at the gym while I'm on the treadmill or stairs. A few weeks ago I saw a commercial for peanut butter snickers and immediately started drooling. I have told pretty much everyone I see about this candy bar, no one seems to be as excited as I am about it. What a great idea! Snickers are pretty great by themselves, but ohmygoodness, add peanut butter?!?! this has to be great. I bought one today. I'm not going to eat it until after the show. I made one of my aides at work hide it from me. I know it would make me sick at this point, and I know it will make me sick after the show.
but... I CAN'T WAIT!

Good news folks. 168 pounds. I'm wearing size 29 jeans. what does that even mean? who understands boy sizes on girl pants.  I would like to formally welcome my abs to the party. My top two are visible. Huuzah! My thighs are melting away. As much as I hate to admit it...double cardio, does work. Darin is the man. he wants to buy an ad in the Peter Pan program and I was teasing him that he should put a headline like, "Do you want to look as good as Nana? Be as lean and mean as the Crocodile? But I don't think he's going for it.

funhater.

This is in fact not my costume. It is a childs size 2/4. You would not believe the crocodile wedgie I had going on.

rockin the (faux)hawk

i got my haircut on friday by the lovely Jaida Quinn. Every time I leave I think its the best haircut of my life. It keeps getting shorter and shorter. I should have taken pictures of every stage of hair over the last year. Now there's a slideshow.

its messy, spunky, and fun. Plus I think it makes me look way meaner. Which I've needed to work on, I've been having way too many people talk to me at the gym. One lady was trying to ask about a million questions during a spin class. I was literally dying on the bike and she was cruising along going 2 mph asking me what fruits I eat. ugh. She told me that she weighs 118 and wants to weigh 112. Don't we all feel bad for her?  She was even texting while the class was going on. I was embarassed for her. But mainly I was super annoyed.

Peter Pan is killing me. The director is such an a-hole. I almost quit Friday night. But I'm not a quitter and there are only a couple more weeks before the show. I can handle this. But goodness, he is a prick.

I ordered my teeny tiny bikini. It should ship out this week. eek.

posing lesson 1

Yesterday was my first posing lesson. There are five mandatory poses that women do. Front double biceps, side triceps, side chest, back double biceps, and front ab and thigh. I pretty much suck at all of them. I went to Darins studio, stripped down to my swim suit, and attempted to make my muscles cooperate. I think I now understand what it would be like to be paralyzed. My brain was telling my muscles to flex, but nothing was happening. I know I have lats. I can see them in the gym. But on my own, I cannot flare them out...yet. I'll learn. I'll learn how to do all of them. But holy moly, there is so much to remember for every pose. where to put your feet, your hands, what to do with your legs, where your shoulders go, which one goes up, suck in your abs,raise this hip, squeeze your legs together, pull that arm in,  flex this, relax that, look here, then there, smile, flex, don't panic, and lastly, breathe. I left the session feeling like crap. My legs have a long ways to go, there is relatively no definition there. And my upper body- which has definition- won't cooperate. I couldn't figure out how to make things move and flex the way I wanted them to. I don't like not being good at things immediately so this is a struggle. AND Darin through out the number 8% for where I'm headed. I can't imagine dropping that low. I can't seem to budge off of 175 pounds, but hopefully the composition of my body is changing even if I'm not loosing weight. per se. I'm hanging in there with the double cardio. But just barely. I did feel pretty motivated yesterday after seeing the lack of definition in my legs. But comparing any of my body parts to Darins is pretty humbling. Maybe I just need a fat ugly trainer to help me feel good about myself.

"Oh, you do eat" -mom

Here's my day of food.

weights- drinking branched chain amino acid drink while lifting
whey protein shake
cardio-45-60 min
1/4 cup oatmeal mixed with 1/2 scoop protein powder
work- drinking coffee with 1 scoop protein powder total throughout the day, and two gallons of water throughout day. I pee A LOT.
am snack- 3/4 cup egg beaters
lunch- 1 can tuna, 1 sandwich thin, 1 protein shake
pm snack- 3/4 cup egg beaters
cardio- 60 min
whey protein shake
dinner- can of tuna, two cups of brocolli

i'm really good at eating the same thing every day, so I kind of dig the simplicity of knowing what and when I'm eating next. At first I was really hungry in the morning. Then I was fine. Now that my cardio has gone up...I'm pretty hungry in the evening. But I have Peter Pan practice every night to keep me busy so i don't have much time to think about being hungry. In other news I think I've become lactose intolerant. I had a carton of skim milk yesterday and almost immediately felt sick. I don't know how I'll ever go off this diet if every deviation leads to serious stomach pain. Its like I've trained my body to run clean and when I go off and binge the shock to the system is killer. Turns out eating clean is easier than pooping and puking for hours. Life lesson over.

...still no abs....sigh. however, you can visibly see my bladder when its full. think the judges will appreciate that.